Two mums whose children were taken from them are helping each other cope with the worst pain imaginable on Mother’s Day. Joan Lawrence and Claire Throssell have built an extraordinary friendship and get together to mark one of the most heartbreaking days of the year.
For Joan this will be the seventeenth Mother’s Day without her beloved daughter, York University chef Claudia Lawrence who mysteriously vanished without trace in March 2009. Claire, has been forced to cope with the tragic loss of her two sons, Jack, then 12, and nine-year-old, Paul, who were murdered by their evil father in October 2014.
The twisted dad deliberately set the former family home on fire, killing himself at the same time. The two boys were trapped in the attic of the house in Penistone, South Yorkshire, and left to perish in a bitter act of revenge. Paul died on the same night and Jack five days later.
Despite the unbelievable sadness the two women have faced, they have found strength and courage in one another over the last nine years, since they first met. Joan, 81, from Malton, North Yorkshire, said: “Every day is hard, but today is particularly painful. It’s a day which mums normally spend with their children, but neither Claire and I can do that.
“That’s why it was so important we met up ahead of the day. We bring each other comfort in the hardest of times. “We both know exactly how the other is feeling. It’s a pain that engulfs every part of you. In some ways, I am lucky. I will be spending the day with my eldest daughter, Ali, her husband and my grandchildren, but Claire doesn’t have that.”
Claire, 53, from Penistone, South Yorkshire, said: “Joan’s friendship has given me hope in times of despair, and strength when I felt like I was crumbling. Her determination to survive encouraged me to carry on when I believed there was nothing left to live for.”
During the lunch the two women shared together on Friday, they laid their hands on top of one another’s, as they remembered their children. Joan said: “I class this weekend as the anniversary of Claudia’s disappearance as the year she went missing was a few days before Mothering Sunday.
“It breaks my heart knowing I won’t receive a card from Claudia. Instead, the ones my daughter gave me when she was a little girl and as she grew up, will adorn my living room, and I will recall the special times we spent together. Claudia and I would always meet up either on Mothering Sunday, or if she was working, in the days around it, so we could have a nice lunch together.”
Claire, who also must endure the pain of what should be Jack’s 23rd birthday on Monday, will spend Sunday remembering the Mother’s Days she spent with her sons.
Smiling, Claire recalled: “Jack and Paul would always bring me breakfast in bed on a tray, but as soon as they put it down, they would jump onto the bed and the tea and toast would go everywhere.
“They did it every year, but I didn’t mind. It became one of our traditions. Once I had rescued the breakfast, the three of us would burst into fits of laughter and snuggle up under the duvet.”
Claire, who only lost her own mum in September, will take flowers to her memorial stone today, which is in the same graveyard as Jack and Paul’s. She said: “After I lost the boys, it used to hurt to buy a Mother’s Day card for mum, knowing I would never receive another one again, but now it hurts that I can’t buy one. Life can be very cruel.”
Claire was left with very little of her sons’ possessions after the fire her ex-husband started destroyed nearly all the family’s belongings. “I have one card left that Paul bought me, which for some reason I never took out of my handbag after he gave me it,” said Claire “Something I am very grateful for now. I will be holding that close to my heart today along with the card Joan has given me.”
The two women have exchanged many cards and letters over the years, which they both explain has bought them comfort. “Joan’s cards make me realise I am not alone,” said Claire. “They are always homemade, and she writes me a lovely, heartfelt message that gives me strength and hope. Joan was the first person I met, after losing Jack and Paul, who had also had a child taken away from her.”
And Joan adds: “We share a pain no parent should ever have to endure, but when we meet up, we also share a long, comforting, hug. We don’t need to say anything. We just know what the other is feeling. That’s a very special bond.”
Both women agreed that although their children are no longer physically with them, they will feel close to Claudia, Jack and Paul today. Joan, who vowed to say a prayer for Claire said: “Together we will find a way to get through. It’s what our children would want.”
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